Lost at Sea? How to Navigate Life Using Your Values
Sometimes we all drift, like rudderless ships lost at sea. Tossed about by winds and currents that lead us in directions we didn’t choose. We react to the waves of obligation and external validation, hoping to stumble upon an island of fulfillment. Yet there is a lighthouse in the distance. This lighthouse is an unwavering presence. It gives us a direction of travel through the stormy waters.
This constant, powerful light represents our deeply held values. Values are our guiding light, our compass point, and they can help us steer our ship, even when the rudder feels broken and the seas are rough.
Values are the core principles that matter most to us: the qualities we want to embody, the directions we want our lives to move toward, and the way we aspire to show up in the world.
Values vs. Goals
Values are different from goals, and it’s helpful to distinguish the two:
Goals are like the port we seek to reach next - specific destinations that can be ticked off or completed.
Values, on the other hand, are the quality of the sailing - the way we choose to travel, regardless of where we are in the journey.
A goal might be “get a better job,” “run a 10k,” or “improve my relationships,” but the values beneath those goals could be Growth, Health or Connection. Goals can be achieved or missed, while values remain. They guide not just what we do, but how we do it.
When life feels chaotic or directionless, reconnecting with our values can help us make choices that feel more intentional and aligned. Even when the seas are rough, values give us a way to steer.
So how do we begin identifying them?
The Overhearing Friends Exercise
Here’s a simple but powerful way to uncover your values. Take a moment to imagine the following scenario:
Picture two close friends talking about you when you’re not there.
Not in a gossipy or critical way. Imagine they’re speaking with warmth and honesty.
What would you hope they say about you?
Not what they do say now, and not what you think you should want them to say, but what you genuinely hope they might describe.
Consider questions like:
How do I hope they talk about the way I treat people?
What qualities would I love them to recognize in me?
What do I hope they admire, trust, or appreciate?
How do I hope they describe the way I navigate challenges?
What would I want them to say about the kind of friend, partner, parent, or colleague I am?
Notice the qualities in their imagined words.
Perhaps you’d want them to say you are compassionate, courageous, creative, honest, dependable, curious, playful or thoughtful.
These words are clues directing you towards your deeper values.
Pick three to five qualities that feel especially meaningful. These are likely to be the values you want to embody more fully in your life. They can become your “lighthouse beams”. The directions you can move toward each day, even in small ways.
Helping You to Steer Your Course
Identifying your values isn’t about creating an ideal version of yourself or setting rigid expectations. It’s about noticing the qualities that already matter to you—the ones that feel like home. When you reconnect with those values, life often begins to feel steadier. Choices become clearer. Even the rough waters feel a little more navigable, because you’re no longer drifting without direction.
Your lighthouse has always been there. Values work simply helps you turn toward its light.
You don’t have to navigate the choppy waters alone. Ready to stop drifting and start steering with intention?
Get in contact to book a free 15 minute consultation and discuss how we can help you find stability and meaning on your journey.