Reclaiming Your Worth: You Don’t Need to Earn It

Do you ever feel that your worth is conditional? Like you’re only “good enough” if you’re productive, you succeed, or you please others? Many people suffering from low self-esteem operate under the belief that their sense of worth is something they must constantly earn. This can be an exhausting and self-defeating cycle.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) recognises that the feeling of unworthiness can be rooted in the rigid and impossible standards. Have you ever thought “I should never make mistakes, otherwise I’ve failed”, “I must be successful, otherwise I’m worthless’, or “Unless I keep others happy, I’ll be rejected”? In CBT we call these statements ‘rules for living’.

These rules can often feel helpful. They can seem to be motivating, to protect from criticism, and they can feel ‘safe’. However, when you inevitably break one of these self-imposed rules, you immediately find yourself in a cycle of self-criticism and counterproductive behaviours, such as overworking, procrastination and avoidance.

We shouldn’t admonish ourselves for having such standards. They aren’t random; they have often developed for a reason. We are all products of our experiences. Our care givers, our upbringing, family mottos, the messages we absorb from school, media, and wider cultural expectations can all influence the lenses through which we see ourselves, others and the world around us.

Through CBT we can learn to notice these rules as the operate in real-time. We can explore their origins, developing a compassionate understanding of why they developed. We can modify the rules, shaping them into more adaptive and helpful guidelines. We can experiment with alternative ways of being and acting, that aren’t defined by impossible standards.

In therapy, we can explore these patterns together and find gentler, more realistic ways to live that don’t rely on perfection or constant productivity to feel “good enough.”

If this resonates with you, let's explore if therapy is right for you. Get in touch today to set up a free 15-minute consultation.